I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize