Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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