you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
