Say something about gay babies.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize