I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
