Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
