shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm like, not good at living.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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