Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
