I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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