so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
