you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
