You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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