i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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