Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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