I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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