It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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