His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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