he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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