He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
