1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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