You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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