i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
