I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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