At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
