how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
