That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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