Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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