If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
