and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is it penis luge time yet?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
