Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dear god my vagina.
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