hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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