where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I will be naked everywhere
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
