Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
