do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
