I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
