I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
