So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
