the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
