I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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