please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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