I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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