I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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