I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
