Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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