I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
