Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
