Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
