What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
