everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
