I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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