We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
