I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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