I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So squirting runs in the family.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
