I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
