why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
