is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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